Protection

I find it mildly ironic that the room I do all of my writing in, was Tony's old room.

Tony lived here years ago.
He still lives here sometimes but I'm working on setting him free.

I feel he appreciates that.

There is no doubt in my mind I was meant to find this house. By all rights I shouldn't have moved in, but the forces were greater than me.

I came across this house for rent via Craigslist. Particulary important to me was the fact they accepted pets. My dog is also my co-pilot.

I wasn't really looking for a house, just more or less just seeing what was out there when the time came.

I was living with my soon to be ex boyfriend and to make matters worse, we were just served with a "notice of foreclosure" on the house we were renting.

Even though our housing was tenuous, legally we couldn't break our lease. I wasn't doing a lot of research but I wanted some sort of back up plan in case we were kicked out onto the street.

My best friend Rachel and I went to look at this house. The owners had bought it at auction (in complete and utter disrepair) with plans to remodel prior to the new tenants moving in.

It was a sad sight indeed. Previous owners had burned holes in the floor and the ceiling, and the bedrooms were literally drenched in years of old cigarette smoke.

It was hard to see the potential....aesthetically it was painful. But as soon as I stepped into the back yard, I knew in my gut this would be my home someday soon.

Lush green grass, blooming cherry blossoms and lilac trees...all standing there as if pleading with me to come and take care of them again.

I left there that day with no real hope of moving in. My lease with my current landlord was two months from expiring and I knew these people wouldn't wait for me.

About a month later, I sent an email off asking if the newly remodeled house had been rented. Indeed it was. I knew it. I was sad but not devastated. It wasn't meant to be.

Two weeks later while perusing Craigslist I came across an ad for the same house. I called the landlord and was told the tenants had backed out at the last minute for no reason. He asked me if I wanted to see the house and all of the changes they made to it. I did and two weeks later, it was mine. I was moved and settling in.

One morning, with the kids still sleeping, I decided to put up curtains to cover the sliding glass door from the patio. As I was standing on a chair I saw one of the patio chairs rocking back and forth. Just one chair. Nothing else was moving. I looked around and there was absolutely no wind. With no forethought or pretense I said out loud "I'm going to take care of your house. You don't have to worry anymore".

I was surprised at myself because it wasn't something I had even intended to say. I was confused but had to go to work so I shook it off and forgot about it.

A few days later a neighbor shows up at my door with "welcome wine". My favorite kind!

I was having a few friends over for dinner so we all gather around him to talk and laugh and get to know each other. He began to tell me about the people who lived in the house before me.

Drug dealers, addicts, vagrents...all kinds of undesirables he says. They completely trashed the house. There was garbage everywhere...holes in the walls and the floor. Police calls at all hours. They just let the house go completely.

I ask him if anyone lived in the house before them.

He tells me there was a man named Tony who lived here. He loved his house and took great care to make it a home.

I looked him straight in the eye and said "Tony died in this house didn't he?"
It was more a statement than a question. And you could tell from his gaze he didn't want to tell me the truth.
He didn't have to tell me, I already knew. But he did anyway, almost like an apology.

I told him about putting up the curtains. And the rocking chair. And the assurances about taking care of the house.

You could tell he was the type of guy who wouldn't give you lipservice and say things if he didn't mean it. He said he understood and that he believed me.

Hours later I walked him to the door, thanking him for all of the wine, the stories and the company. As he was leaving I asked him again "What was the name of the man who used to live here again?"

"Tony" he said and then stopped. He turned around, looked at me quizzically and said "He used to sit outside on the patio and rock in his chair every evening".

I was overcome.

I went in the house, tears streaming down my face and tried to explain to my friends what had happened.

What HAD happened?

I had no idea how I knew or saw these things but there was absolutely no denying that I saw and felt them.

Weeks later I got funny feelings in my house. Up until then it had always felt as if "my ghost" (as I lovingly started to refer to it) was a "protector". But I began to feel uneasy and unsettled all of the time.

I realized that the energy was coming from the back bathroom. I tried to turn the energy around placing plants, fountains and stones around the perimeter. Nothing seemed to work. Every time I walked in there felt like walking into a cooler. It occured to me it was very possible, this was where Tony had passed away.

I decided I needed to smudge. And smudge BIG. It was time to free his spirit.

I poured over the internet for the next three days making sure I knew how to do it the right way. I had the sage, I had the bowls, the instructions and Rachel. It was a Monday.

Straight away we took three shots of bourbon and set to it. We opened every door, every window and every drawer to begin the smudging.

Rachel walked over to "the bathroom". She flung the door open and started to walk away.
It slammed shut.

She walked over to me and pointed to the door.

"It's shut itself" she said.

"No worries" I say, and waltz over to the door, giving it a tug.

Locked.

After we removed the doorknob and all of it's hinges, the smudging was underway.

It took us just over an hour to do the whole house, the perimeter, the garage, even the crawlspace. Every square foot of my house and the property it sits on was smudged.

Since then I have noticed beautifully strange inexplicable things.

Not only was the space in the house "lighter", but it was more peaceful too. Less agitated.

More importantly were the things I found outside of the house...

I have collected agates for years. I love them. I find them at the beach, usually when I"m combing for sea glass (which I also passionately collect). They are all over -on every shelf, in every plant and on every sill. I've read that agates provide natural protection.

One summer day while digging up weeds in the front yard, I was drawn to a corner of the earth just next to the house. I started to dig and what I came up with was amazing.

A garden of agates. All sizes and shapes...and utterly beautiful. I dug up about 200 that day. I carried them into my kitchen, scrubbed them clean and put them in a treasure box near the front door. My neighbor was out in his yard so I went over to the fence and showed him my discovery, told him about my collection.

"It looks like you're where you're supposed to be then, doesn't it?"

A few days later in the same spot, I noticed more. And then more. And more.

Every day there are new ones- they never go away. They go on forever.

I do have a sense that they are supposed to remain HERE. I don't let anyone take any with them. I have no idea why I feel this, but I do and the feeling is strong.

So it makes me wonder, why are there so many "protection stones" surrounding this house?

And if I'm "supposed to be here", why?

I've always belived that everything happens for a reason...that life is not made up of "coincidence". I wonder if Tony has become my guide...

And while I'm pondering life's biggest questions and blogging about dreams and life, I'm sitting on the other side of the wall to the bathroom that started this whole thing.

I've always been sensitive to energy and I've always believed in "spirits" but I've never really believed in the physical aspect until now.

It makes me think about life...and spirits...and guides.

Tony was stuck in this world and wanted to go home. He needed my guidance - even if he got scared along the way.

If you think about it, it's is very similliar to the mortal life we live.

We have to embrace the magic and let it carry us ever forward.....

We cannot shut our eyes and close our ears but we must also learn to hear and see with our soul. Let our spirit guide us but never lose sight of the compass....

Even if we become fearful we must follow these guides.... and our spirit...
in the end if we do that, we'll always be free.